Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize