Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
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