You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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