just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize