he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize