I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
