it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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