listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
