her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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