Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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