He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
