She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
