at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
