you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
