I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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