I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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