how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
