I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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