this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
sarcasm needs its own font
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
