does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
