Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Randomize