Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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