I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
