We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
