I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
