Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
