Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
