3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
