Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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