he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
