I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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