so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
