I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize