he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
