I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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