i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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