my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
