Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
