he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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