Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
