Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize