Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
