when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
