I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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