So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
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