That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
