I think I am morally bankrupt
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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