Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
