he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
