he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
