he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
