; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
