I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize