I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
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