I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
