My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
