i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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