All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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