Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
