Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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