i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Randomize
