no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Randomize
