so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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