I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Two words: blizzard sex
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
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