JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
