probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
