I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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