The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
