I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
