You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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