All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
