no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
