Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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